My mothers 3 oldest siblings died in infancy. My grandmother who lived to 90 never quit grieving for them. Our lives are much improved in many ways, but when life sucks, it sucks.

The good news for those to whom life is unbearable is that it's only temporary. I do not rejoice at the thought of my own death which will probably not be so many years off. I simply try not to think about it. I understand completely that after my death my body will decay, that my molecules will disperse, and everything that makes a "me" will vanish from existence. I am not my molecules. Nor am I my "energy." Rather, I am a particular complex organization. When the organization is gone, I am no longer.

Fortunately, my greatest hope for my life is nearly achieved. My kids know how to fend for themselves. They have each learned nearly all I have to teach them. They will go out into the world and they will work hard, play fair, spread joy, experience, learn, pay attention, think carefully, act responsibly - and if the time comes, they will not let one day pass that they do not let their own children know how much they are loved.

It will be a nice thing to see them do this. Maybe for a while.