There are hints as to how to resolve this but you seem reluctant to look at it .. if you want to try read next bit
Your problem in a nutshell
The fact gravity creates more gravity (I think you got that bit yourself and agreed) means it has to be opposed by something or the moment you created one bit of gravity that point would self collapse to a black hole at that point in a self sustained collapse. In classic physics that is an unavoidable consequence of the mathematics that goes like this
My only reluctance is that I like to think I understand a point, as well as possible, before moving on to the next. So I need to be able to answer questions like: Can we measure gravity at an event horizon of a stellar BH? If so, how would that compare with gravity at the surface of the original star?
As far as the idea of gravity creating gravity goes, I had reached the point of thinking “does gravity create more gravity? That raised a few questions, like:
Wouldn’t it have to have mass/energy to create more gravity?
If it’s not a force, can it have energy?
Manifestly, gravity is not a run-away phenomenon. Is that because something counters it, or because gravity does not spontaneously create gravity. Which is it?
What physical/experimental evidence do we have for saying that gravity creates gravity?
