DA Morgan wrote-

Prove that any god, of any description, exists.

REP: Of course I cannot. But I know that after a childhood of very intense child abuse at the hands of a schizophrenic step-father, including being bolted in a room for five years and unable to talk with anyone, with a bucket to go to the toilet in, I was a complete and utter mess.

At fourteen, my Mother?s then boyfriends, (she knew how to pick ?em), beat her to the point of death with a hammer and made me sit and weep for half an hour while the blood and life seeped from her. She was dead on arrival at hospital but only just as she was resuscitated and spent weeks in intensive care.

I determined to kill myself because my world and image of myself was completely fragmented and I was in more pain than many people can even imagine. So I slashed my wrist at the age of 15 and sat in a forest to die. After everything going cold and fading away and passing out, I awoke to find that somehow I had walked into school - a good distance, and they took me to hospital - I don't know if it was God that saved me and won't press the point.

But I still had no ability to live my life properly after having been socially cut off from others during my formative years, and assumed that I had done something to deserve my treatment - in fact I thought I was a piece of scum and walked around constantly saying to myself - 'you are scum - you are scum', (I don't know why I did this, I just did - but it seems so alien to me now).

So I was still determined to die.

Until I went on a church camp to Wales where I heard about God and mocked the message. Do you think I had any time for a god who had abandoned me to my fate?

But on the second night I almost zombie like, and without knowing what I was doing, asked to see a Christian leader and committed my life to God. (Please don't insult me by accusing me of being brain-washed into doing this - that would require a degree of mind control that camsouth would be comfortable with - see Satellites are hacked thread).

I believe that God took me before I destroyed myself. Why - I do not know? But my life quickly changed completely out of shape - for the first time since I was a young child I experienced happiness. For the first time I experienced wonder at the world. For the first time I began to slowly feel positive about myself and that I might have a future. In fact, as I was healed and transformed into a balanced individual who was able to engage with other people again, I began to stop thinking I was a worthless piece of crap that was only good for beating senseless and performing torture techniques on.

No one else helped me ? no one. It was only through letting myself stay in the hands of God that I am still alive. Yes ? it is sometimes senseless ? why me? Why not others? But I am not alone in this experience. It isn?t just me. It is anyone who can put their doubt and objections aside for just one moment ? just long enough to allow a creator to show himself to be real and trust-worthy.

You asked whether I can prove the existence of God. Well pretty much to my own satisfaction ? not solidly, concretely, to the point where I can never doubt, but enough for me to be comfortable with it.

And you talk about suffering and evil ? I suffered and I believe that I had evil perpetrated on me ? but I have experienced a God who restores us if we let him. And a God who has an eternity to restore those who die in their suffering if they choose it.

But a God who does not force you one way or another.

You have every right to mock me because you think I am stupid and cannot debate properly, but luckily for me, God accepts the fools as well as the wise.

And he will come in his own terms and not ours - but he will definitely not be held back by your cutting logic.

Regards,

Blacknad.