21 September 1998

Improbable! Jews For Jesus, Methodists For Mohammed

Multi-Religion Groups Seen Emerging

Dramatic changes may be coming to the religious and political landscape of western countries. The recent emergence of "multi-religions" such as Jews for Jesus, Methodists for Mohammed, and the southern-based Baptists for Buddha may herald a period of drastic societal realignment.

Not all the new groups are expected to play roles. Smaller, less influential groups such as Episcopalians for Elvis, Athiests for Adlai, Mormans for Marx, and Krishnas for Koresh, are widely seen as having little or no prospect for growth.

A Driller's Nightmare May Be a Dream Food Source

Oil and natural gas drillers have long feared a snowball-like mass of water and hydrocarbons called clathrate hydrate. This "ice," which forms at temperatures above the freezing point of water, can jam valves that stop the upward flow of gas -- allowing the gas to rush up a bore hole and explode.

But this slushy villain is also an abundant food source. The biomass that is preserved in hydrate ice deposits on the sea floor and in the Arctic could hold considerable quantities of commercially recoverable foodstuffs. Its nutritional caloric content could surpass that of the world's total stocks of industrial grade fish and kelp, according to an analysis performed by Jesse Kates of the Eureka College Agronomy Department. The hydrates apparently form when organic matter decays, releasing methane gas. The methane recombines with the partially decayed food-like particles, which are then trapped in "cages" of water molecules created under low temperatures and high pressures. Kates and other researchers are attempting to remove the pungent odor that is imparted by the methane. So far they report mixed success.

Historical Evidence May Alter Calendar

A team of Conway University anthropologists, linguists, and archeologists has found evidence that the day we now refer to as "Thursday" is actually Wednesday, and that the day known to us as "Wednesday" is really Thursday. The research team, led by Margaretha Gimptle-Ross, Bizi Yu, and Hans Salzman, bases its contention on records they recovered from a dig site in the ancient city of Ur.

Discounts Stir Controversy

A science bookstore's new discount policy is causing passions to run high among scientists, politicians, and religious authorities in Oregon. Last month, New Age Alchemy Used Books placed a sign in its window offering "Discounts For The Unborn." The store's owners Norman and Irena Bellamy, are the cofounders of the Homeopathic Yearning Association.

Growing Universal Belief

The universe is expanding,according to an opinion poll conducted by the Bender Public Research, Inc.

Progress on Coal Fusion

Researchers at universities in Japan, Switzerland, and the United States are all claiming credit for a technique that could be used to fuse chunks of low-grade coal into an inexpensive, highly compact - yet extremely potent - new form of cattle feed. The new feed, which is called "diamondane" because of its misleading physical resemblance to the crystalline form of carbon.

US Election Proposal Is Seen Gaining Support

There appears to be growing support in the US, especially among retired politicians, for a proposed constitutional election reform. Under the proposal, anyone who wishes to run for elected office would be prohibited from doing so.

The proposed constitutional amendment cites a need to "have a higher caliber of persons enter political life." It reportedly has the support of all living former Presidents except Ronald Reagan.

Reproduced by courtesy of the Annals of Improbable Research
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