Re: Destroy?

Posted by
Kathy on Feb 10, 2004 at 15:22

Re: Destroy? (Amaranth Rose)

Perhaps you would reconsider if you finished reading my account? If you think it might be inappropriate I could send it to you and let you judge if my message hasn't come full circle. I don't blame God, but my oldest son formed my ethics above and beyond my own expectations. Everything with him had to be black and white, and discussions trying to reason with supposed acceptance to variants of the former only opening an avenue for argument/discord. Remember, we were living with a manipulator on all levels. I/we had to be as perfect as is humanly possible and he would justify victimizing you, if he saw your weaknesses? Not exactly what everyone likes to hear, and you have to forgive many for not being able to deal with it one on one, but example?

Where I genuinely believe we should all be prepared. Not only this condition presents this way, so no one should have to bang their heads against the wall, should an interesting sort 'crop up'. If I could save one sharing my account, sparing them the need for a learning curve like I had to sustain for 25 YEARS trying to convey love unknowingly, what's to loose?

Furthering that thought. My effected son's behaviour wouldn't be so acceptable to him, if most weren't all doing intentional wrongs in degrees, that he interprets as a green light. To him, life is beating them at their own game, or getting even. My ethics proved my only protection, and others were judged accordingly? Not sure I did anyone a favor, but still had to do it that way, as that's what the situation demanded.

And my child-rearing techniques worked wonders for my youngest and years of picking up throw-aways and giving them new beginnings. Therefore this life study has set a precedent. Proof in the pudding.

My studies in genetics explained all and took all guilt/doubts away - total relief of a kind, but not satisfaction. I had prayed more for him, yet hope allows me to believe he will some day wake up to himself, and all my ground-work will come into play. Who would deny me that much, and 'why' a person feels they might need faith in something greater than what they've been prepared for? Until that day I live in a certain amount of fear, but then his life expectancy is approximately 45, which he knows, so whichever comes first...

I had lost all "anger" many years ago - the demands themselves too great to dwell on in moments of peace, and with great support. Makes all the difference - ethics-based support. After all, aren't we characterized by our ethics and others on how theirs might effect us? Association? I had to first experience that in the extreme, my own son taking me into prisons, half-way houses, hospitals, mental hospitals and courts, that later took me back to those places to work with those whom could be worked with. It taught me the skills I continue to use long after the fact, and I now profess to be a part of me. I know it works with MOST kids, but there are some that will test your ethics right to the ground, and they don't need to be missing their frontal lobes. My message would be to expect it and raise them accordingly, sending as few mixed messages as possible irrespectively.

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