‘Ding-Dong’

“Come in!” I yelled.

As the door opened a crack, Stress showed his face through it. As if wondering if it were really ok to come in. “Good afternoon,” Stress said, “May I come in?”

“Yo! Stress-dude! Hell yea! Come on in!

Stress walked into the front door, cautiously at first, but finally made its way down the hall, and into the family room where I sat. “You realize of course it is not always prudent to invite unknown visitors into your home.” Stress said.

“You’re not unknown, Stress. I know you well. Or at least I use to. Until you changed.”

“Yes, but you did not know it was I when I knocked upon your door, resulting in an invitation to enter by you. And I have not changed a wit, by the way.”

“Yea...whatever. I said come in. You did. It all worked out for the best, more or less, ‘cause here you are bothering me.”

“Well, yes, in this case it did work out well. But in others it may not!” At this point Stress crossed its arms over its chest, tilted its head a bit, raised its eyebrows a hint, and looked at me inquisitively. Stress was usually frozen in this position. Stress just liked to stand like that I guess.

“But in order for it to “may not” work out ‘well’, then some of the time, it must surely ‘may’. Work out well, that is” I said.

“But it may not as well. Don’t you agree? And what then?” It insisted.

“Do you want a beer?” I asked.

“No, and may I advise you that I do not like it when you drink.” It said.

“Do you think it makes me difficult to reason with?” I asked, doing so with eyes a bit more inquisitively open.

“You ended that sentence with a preposition. You know that, don’t you?” Stress replied.

“Okay.” I said. “How ‘bout a bowl then? Just a pinch to get us groovin’ together once again?”

“No, and may I also say that the risks associated with such endeavors are contraindicated as compared with the almost non-existent benefits. That includes some, shall we say, legal issues as well.” And with that, Stress turned its back on me. But remained present none the less. As if refusing to just leave.

“Dude! Just have a seat. Ease out. Cool your hot jets. Have a Yohoo chocolate drink and a shot. Let’s make it a Yohoo-shooter!” I pleaded. Stress doesn’t like it when I pled. I don’t know why. So I continued in a more nonchalant, uncaring way, “We can do the cryptogram from the sunday paper and try to make it turn out legitimately different from the answer key. Just like we use to,” I tried. I caught myself, and just for fun added, “Er...I mean, ‘to which we use to just do!” Stress ignored me. Not even a grin crossed its face. None ever did. It pretended I wasn’t even there, it did. Kept its back too me. It reminded me of Felix Unger conversing reluctantly with his ill-chosen roommate Oscar. The Odd couple. Remember? Such a gay boy. Such a hunk. Which is which? Both I think. And what think you of that?

“Clearly you are in no mood to discuss reality. Perhaps I should return later?” Now Stress was actually pissed. Which is how he liked to be.

“Nah. Don’t leave! Yo! Just have a seat, you dick. Cop a squat. Pull up a chair. Go lotus with me Stress-dude, right here on my couch. Flex them tendons, joints, muscles and such.”

“I think not, you dunce. And I should tell you as well that the relationships you are building of late with others can not turn out well. You’ll be sorry you followed this path. Some of these people are, at the very least, suspect in my eyes. Dangerous too.”

“Path? Path! What do you mean, ‘Path.” What does that mean?

“It means it leads to a place you will not like.”

“How do you know?”

“Because it will be different. Do you like different?”

“Is this a multiple choice question?

“Indeed it is not!”

“Then the answer is yes.” I answered. “Different is cool. I’ve had the same and the same is always...well, the same is always the same. Only the different is different. So yea, I like different of late. Sure.” And I tilted my head once again, and I looked at Stress for a reply. After a very long pause, I resorted to adding a bit more, just so as to prompt that Stressful reply. “What’s wrong with different? It isn’t as if it’s always taboo. Not like dogs and cats screwing together, right?”

“Oh please,” Stress said to me, “please stop pretending and lets just do what’s expected. Taking unprudent chances only results in me worrying about what comes next.”

“So don’t do that anymore, Stress.”

“Don’t do what?” Stress asked.

“Make up words like ‘unprudent.’ I think it’s imprudent, right? No, just kidding. I don’t care. Try doing things that do not worry you?” At that, Stress looked at me in an extra-like odd way.

“I have to go.” It hurriedly said. “I just remembered the cleaners close at five.”

“Or try not to worry without reason.” I yelled to its egressing back, “What, after all, is the worst that could happen? You’d have a tough choice as to what to wear tomorrow? Where might you be in a year or so if you just play it as it lies?”