Re: Would this be good for the fish?

Posted by Uncle Al on Jul 25, 2002 at 11:03

Re: Would this be good for the fish? (Southern Man)


Tens of thousands of Enviro-whiners funded by compassionate government grants harmonically converged on Massachusetts this week demanding protection and propagation of Asian giant hogweed.

"The giant hogweed may hold the secret to curing cancer, curing AIDS, or even human immortality," said a Birkenstock-shod Enviro-whiner woman with luxuriant fragrant matted clots of hair dangling from her humid armpits, "it is the specific cure for all sorts of unknown hazards."

"Asian hogweed is the preferred hunting niche of the fragile and endangered undiscovered Giant Flying Vampire Toad," said Asian Enviro-whiner David Suzuki, "and it really frosts my flat Jap ass to hear a plant is being discriminated against because of its national origin."

The Kennedy compound was quick to issue a terse and unambiguous press release: "We're going to sober up Ted long enough for him to introduce national legislation requiring all Massachusetts residents who are not surnamed "Kennedy" or living in Hyannisport to Liberally grow giant hogweed in their gardens and instead of lawns."

After nine days of riots, more than 40,000 acres of hogweed had been planted everywhere except in Hyannisport. All the Enviro-whiners then bailed.

"Man, you don't want to be near that stuff!" whined Maria Gonzales Consuela Littlefeather Shabazz, "the sap can cause severe skin irritation, blisters and swelling, and contact with the eyes can cause temporary or permanent blindness. We've done our god-appointed good deeds. We're all going home, far away from Massachusetts' hogweed heaven."

Uncle Al
(Do something naughty to physics)

Follow Ups:

Post a Followup



[ Forum ] [ New Message ]