I was working on a sci-fi novel and have just started writing it. I was done with the first few chapters and was wondering if I could have some feedback about it (positive or negative, anything which will help me improve this). Here are the first couple of chapters, let me know what you all think:

Chapter 1
June 18th 2545

"Sir" yelled out the pilot of the Navi-Viman. "There is an unknown ship approaching Mars from 15 degrees West of Jupiter".

The comment sent a shiver down Admiral Nicklas' spine as he saw the ship on his screen speeding towards earth. He had studied all the existing ship designs on Earth as a part of his training, but he had never seen a ship like this one before. What if we had finally made contact with an alien lifeform, he thought. More importantly, why was this ship simply speeding to earth and not communicating with any other ships. Could this be the beginning of an attack? Nicklas had to think quick because he knew he was running out of time, and didn't even know the source of this alien ship, if indeed it was alien.

"Its moving faster than anything I have ever seen" reported the Radar and Communication Officer (RCO).

As the admiral looked around the ship, he could clearly see all the faces tense up. Great, he thought. He wanted to avoid any ideas of an alien attack to keep his officers calm and ready to respond. He could see his enitre team was about to panic. He would have to talk to the RCO about keep his lip tight in the future. As for now, his worst fear had come true. The speed of this vessel clearly indicated that it was not built by humans.

"Contact HQ now and---" Before he could finish his sentence the leading planetary defense techinician was already on screen.

"This ship is moving too fast. We have no ships or weapons on Mars to stop it from crashing into us. You are the last line of defense admiral. Shoot down the ship at all costs."

"I understand" said the admiral as the view on his screen changed back to the ship.

"Engage the ship. Fire all missiles. Try and hit it as many times as you can. It maybe going fast but its going at the same speed and is not accelerating. We should be able to chart its course and shoot it down."

The admiral watched as the first set of missiles hit the ship. It seemed as though the ship's hull was barely scratched and its course had not changed at all. As three more sets of missiles hit the ship, the ship appeared to have only minor damages. Nicklas knew that this ship would not be stopped.

"Sir the ship is entering the Mars atmosphere."

"Follow it in, full speed"

"Full speed? But that would rip us apart!"

"Do not question me Yakav, just do as I say. Strap on your chutes and gliders, we'll make our exit before this ship disintegrates and try to land as close to the alien ship as possible. Arm yourselves before you make the jump."

The security officers distributed light armor and automatic laser rifles to all the staff as the Admiral continued.

"We do not know the identity of this ship and whoever is in it. For all we know, this ship could bring destruction onto Mars. We have to engage any possible hostiles as soon as possible and give the HQ enough time to recieve reinforcements from Earth. If we die here today, we die protecting our planet. Look sharp men, our turn to achieve immortality in the books of history has come. Make me proud of having legendary soilders. Make all men proud of having brave men such as you protecting them."

"Sir yes sir!" echoed the entire ship. Admiral's words had power. All officers suddenly seemed to have gained confidence and a resolve to protect thier colony.

As the last missiles hit the alien ship, it finally caught on fire and spiraled into a deep crater on the far side away from HQ. As the Navi-Viman followed it, it started falling apart with parts of its hull flying off. The officers took the jump one after another, and caught up with each other with the flying gliders. The new versions of these glider suits had powerful but small thrusters attached to them, allowing them to fly with great speed towards the alien ship. When they saw the crash site, they turned their thrusters off and parachuted down to the ship.

"Gather up men. Assault rifles up front, battle rifles follow 10 feet behind them and protect the medics. Snipers hold position and cover us. Follow my lead." The admiral lead the assault hiding behind rocks for cover. The door to the alien ship was open, but no one had come out yet. As they reached the door, the admiral took 3 of his best men and entered the ship. The entire hallway in the ship was covered in smoke.

"Turn on the night vision and put on your oxygen masks." As the admiral and his men searched through the ship, they found no one on board until they reached the ship controls.

"Is that a human?" asked one of the officers. "He looks like he's passed out."

"It can't be! Jake!! Is that you!?" The admiral could not believe his eyes, as adrenaline rushed through his body. The last time he saw his brother Jake, he was on a ship headed to the black hole. A few months ago, all communications with his ship was lost and he was considered dead. Yet, here he was the sole survivor on an alien ship. It seemed as though the crash had knocked him unconscious. Two of the officers carried Jake outside as the medics tended to him. 3 technology officers took a look around the ship making readings.

"Sir, we have Dr. Madani on the telecom."

"Good morning Sir," said the admiral as he got hold of the telecom. "We have tracked down the ship. There are no aliens on the ship."

"Is the ship of alien design? Or can it be something human?"

"It is alien sir. All the controls are written in a language I have never seen before. However...I found Jake on the ship."

"Jake Nicklas?? He was at the black hole a few months ago. There is no way he traveled over here that quick. How did he get a hold of an alien ship?"

"We do not know sir, he is unconscious."

"Transport him to the HQ. We are sending FlyCars your way with additional troops. Leave Captian Jacobs in charge and make your way to the HQ with your entire team. I need a detailed report."

"Right away sir." The telecom went dead as the Admiral started gathering his men. His mind should have been at ease since there was no attack on Mars. Yet, many questions bothered him and made him uneasy. Most important of all, he wanted to know if his brother was going to be fine and how he had come to control an alien ship.


Dr. Aahan Madani sat in his office as he wondered about what to do next. How had Jake found an alien ship? Were there others near the black hole who had noticed him? What happened to his ship? Did anyone follow him here? Probably not, Aahan thought. If anyone had followed him, they would be here as well. How had Jake manuvered an alien ship all the way to Mars?

The telecom on his desk shined.

"Sir, Professor Aleen is requesting an audience. She says it is a matter of utmost importance."

Aleen...she was heading the research on sub-atomic particles. What could she want?

"She says she had made an important discovery."

"Ask her to wait, we have an emergency at our hands."

"Sir, she is heading your way. We tried to stop her, but she ran past us. We are trying to track her down."

Not again, thought Dr. Madani. "Fine, let her in. Let her know she has 10 minutes to explain herself."

As Aleen entered the room she seemed more high strung than usual. She pulled up a seat without being asked to be seated and started speaking "I found them. I told you they existed. The neutrino refiner worked better than we expected, it is being used as a communications device. They are talking to us!"

"Slow down Aleen. What are you talking about?"

"We were testing the neutrino refiner to find smaller sub-atomic particles. While doing so, the refiner started acting weird. As though it was being controlled by something else. It took us a few days to realize what was going on. There are particles much smaller than neutrinos which were affected by the refiner. In return, they started controlling refiner. When we analyzed the errors on the refiner, it matched the Universal Language Algorithm perfectly. Following the same algorithm, I tried to contact them and ask them if they understand me. The refiner responded with a definite YES."

"So youre saying there are particles smaller than neutrinos who can talk?"


"So then they must have some sort of consciousness."

"Yes. We have labeled them SASP, Self-Aware Subatomic Particles. The data is currently being checked by leading physicists and language technicians world wide. They are all agreeing with our conclusions. We have found a level of existance smaller than atoms where the particles are aware of themselves and seem to be conscious."

"But how can that be!? This is all too confusing."

"Sir, Admiral Nicklas has arrived" chimed the telecom. "Jake has been checked into the Medical Unit. He regained consciousness for a few minutes, but could not remeber his own name. He is unconscious again, but is safe from danger"

"Ask Admiral Nicklas to meet me in the medical unit"

"He is already there"

"Very well then, I will meet him there."

Dr Madani then turned to Aleena. "We have a crisis on our hand. Follow me, and explain your findings."

"Sir," said Aleen with tears in her eyes. "Is he back? Is he alive?"

Ofcourse! Aleena and Jake shared a very special bond, how could he have forgotten?

"Yes Aleena, he is alive. Would you like to come see him?"

Tears rolled down Aleena's cheeks as she barely whispered yes and followed Dr. Madani to the Medical Unit.

Chapter 2:
As Aahan walked into the Medical Unit, he was greeted by Admiral Nicklas.

"Dr. Madani, my team is ready for their debreifing."

"Good, let me go talk to them then. Aleena would you please go see how Jake is doing?"

"Sure" she replied as Dr. Madani walked into the office room with Dr. Nicklas' team.

"What you saw out there today was nothing short of extraornidary. This is the first time we have ever had contact with an alien articraft. The ship which Captain Jake Nicklas was retrieved from is indeed of non-human origins. This is obviously a very delicate matter which can cause widespread panic. In order to avoid panic, we cannot let the public know about this find. Therefore, you are required to not let anyone else know about this situation, no matter how close they are to you. You have all been tested for contamination and seem to be clean. However, you will be put under a strict watch for the next 48 hours and will remain here in the Medical Bay. Once again, congratulations on the effort. If it had indeed been alien soldiers on that ship, I have no doubt that we would have been able to control the situation due to your diligent response in reaching the crash site on time. You may in the future be asked to teach this techinques to other units in the Madani Corp. Army. You should all be proud of yourselves. With that, I salute you."

Dr. Madani saluted the room as the room saluted back. He then started to clap which led to a thunderous applaud in the room. As the officers applauded, Dr. Madani and Admiral Nickals left the room and headed to Jake's chambers.

"Whats the situation with Jake?" asked Dr. Madani.

"He seems to be able to recover enough to be conscious for a few minutes before he falls unconscious again. The last time he was conscious, all he could remember was approaching the black hole. He was able to understand that he is now safe and kept asking for you."

As they entered the room, Aleena was holding Jake's hand.

"He just woke up and few seconds ago" she whispered.

"Dr. Madani", said Jake in a low voice.

"Relax Jake you are injured. You should not speak."

"What I have to say is much more important than myself."

Dr. Madani thought about it. Jake was right. He could have information about the ship and whether to prepare for an attack.

"Very well, continue."

And so Jake started to retell his adventure as far as he could remember.


Jake was sitting in his chair far enough from the black hole not be sucked in. From there he was making try to make readings. However, he had trouble recieving information. The ship suddenly started moving with a jerk.

"Warning!" chimed the ship's computer.

What is going on? wondered Jake. The thrusters were off and yet the ship was moving.

"Warning! Gravity well detected!"

As Jake read the results, he could clearly see that only he was being sucked into the hole. All the stars in his radius were acting normally. It was almost as if an arm of the black hole hand suddenly sprung up and was reeling him in.

"Full thrusters! Take the ship away from the hole" he commanded. He watched as the ship tried to pull itself out but couldn't. The gravitational force towards the hole was too strong. This did not make sense, he thought. The force from the black hole could not be so strong suddenly and only in his area.

"Incoming transmission" said the computer.

'From who?' he wondered. "Patch it through".

Suddenly, he heard a computerized voice.

"You are in our territory. We are bringing you to our confines" said the voice.

"Who are you?"

"I am am what you call the black hole."

"You are something in the black hole?"

"I am the black hole. I call myself the Unity."

Suddenly, Jake was really alarmed. Was the black hole an entity? How did it know the English language? As Jake wondered these things, the ship seemed to be inside the black hole. Yet, he was not crushed to pieces as he expected. Instead he found himself in a region of near 0 density surrounded by extremely dense regions. The region was long and narrow and resembled a road.

"Where am I?" he asked Unity.

"On a sky path towards confinement" it replied.

So it was a path. Suddenly he saw a shiny planent. The entire planet seemed to be covered with metal. As he approached the planets, he could see tall buildings. As his ship entered one of the buildings, it docked and landed. Two robots entered and appeared to be scanning the place.

"Who are you he asked."

"As I said," replied one of the robots, "I am the Unity".

So the Unity must be a hive mind, he thought.

He was escorted to a room with the chair.

"Why are you here?" asked the room. He knew it was the Unity speaking through the room.

"I came from a planet far off. I am simply here to discover what is at the heart of the black hole."

"I am the black hole."

"So you are a hive mind?"

"I am a much advanced civilization than yours. All my units think and act as one."

"How are you a black hole? Why does no energy escape here?"

"We trap all energy to build our civilization. As you already know civilizations require energy. We channel and use all the energy around us. Therefore, none escapes."

"That doesn't make sense. A black hole is simply a point in space with immense gravity. Its proved by physics!"

"Your physics simply shows the big picture. It does not show how that picture is reached. Gravity wells and black holes don't just exist. They have to be created. There are millions of black holes in the universe. In the middle of each black hole is an advanced civilization which created it."

That information was overwhelming. Not only was there intelligent life other than humans, it was everywhere. It was under our noses the entire time. We saw it almost since we invented the telescope.

"Do you act together with the other black holes?" asked Jake.

"No," replied the Unity, "Each black hole is an independent being."

--End of flashback--

"I can't see you. Everything looks black" whispered Jake as his eyes closed. The monitor next to him started beeping as medics ran in to stabilize him.

- Kevat Shah