Hello unknownuniverse.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings. I can empathise. I've been there as, I imagine, have a great many others. My turn came when I was around twenty years of age (far too long ago!). I hesitate to presume that your experience is identical to mine - we are all unique, but we generally share more or less of the human propensity to wonder, and ask questions, about the profound enigma of life, the universe and everything. This can lead to a psychological/spiritual crisis, very often in our late teens to early twenties. You are far from crazy. You appear to be at a critical point in personal evolution. I'm told that the Chinese equivalent for the word 'crisis' means 'danger and opportunity'. The dangers are obvious, as you have indicated; but there is an opportunity to break through to new insights. For me, the insights came though yoga and meditation. For you, the way may be similar, or perhaps quite different.

I wish you all the very best.
"Time is what prevents everything from happening at once" - John Wheeler